I’ve been SO good with working out even though-or even when- I don’t want to. I’ve found the most incredible accountability partner in my friend, Jessica… She’s so… solid. (I know she’ll read this, so there is an element of “what would I say to Jess if she wasn’t in front of me, but instead reading over my shoulder”, but nonetheless…) Jess is an incredible woman, and an incredible friend. Honest. Direct. Joyful. Compassionate without being overly emotional (I carry that card in our friendship). And she is so good at applying pressure with LOVE. We’ve been running after work 3-4 times a week, for 3 weeks, and she knows just how to keep me honest. Whether it means giving me a STERN talking to when I carelessly forgot my workout clothes, or laughing at me when I text her ridiculous photographic evidence of my working out at home, if we’ve been unable to do it together.

I’m grateful for her. It’s been the most consistent, and most regular workout streak I’ve been on (not counting dancing/choreography for shows) in probably 2 years. I’m happy, I’m already lighter, and have already felt the sting of freshly sore-ed muscles.

The down side of all these good feelings is that, I’m already starting to get a bit fearful about what’s to come.

My hubby is the KING of telling me that I’m being ridiculous for worrying about things I can’t control, and I know that. But (TMI alert) I haven’t had a cycle again, since my lupron shot. And for those of you keeping score, after my surgery, when the next cycle started, and the pain was so intense, I was literally crying out in pain and writhing on the couch sobbing… EASILY the worst endo pain of my life (which IS normal for right after surgery) that is when I decided to take the lupron in the first place. It was that bad. So, then the lupron shot happens, I get a 45 days and counting reprieve…

But I’m SO SCARED. I’m horrified of the return of my period. Literally horrified. If I think about it for too long, I’ll get all spun up and anxious. I’m convinced that worry over the unknown return of the pain was the cause of a horrible eye twitch that lasted all of Friday morning.

So, for now, I wait. I know it’s coming, and I know I’ll survive it… but I am afraid.

I’m not sure if anyone who doesn’t have endo can understand just how painful it can be. Please, trust the women and girls in your life that tell you it isn’t just a “bad cramp”… it’s desperate pain. It’s body wracking, knee to neck, pulsing, lasting pain.

I’m not surprised that in the looming shadow of impending pain, is when I decide to blog again, and in the light of bright and happy days I often forget.

But I’m glad to have the outlet, and glad to know I can come back and update you all when it comes.

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: endometriosis, friends, health, jess, lupron

In 3 easy steps.

1. Read The Fault in Our Stars. Fall in love with his book, with his characters, with his words.

2. Read wikipedia, peruse his tumblr, watch his vlogs, read his tweets, visit his websites, DFTBA.

3. Get into a (relatively small) event, and clink glasses with him, shake his hand, thank him, listen to him discuss censorship and education (a deep passion of yours, obviously), be brave and raise your hand to ask a question when he asks for Q and A, and go get the book from “step 1″ signed and personalized.

Easy peasy.

Here’s the longer version.

Seriously, guys. I went from someone who “really enjoyed Will Grayson, Will Grayson” to a full on Nerdfighter in just a few short days.

I’ll start by giving a little review of the book that kicked off this fantasm… The Fault in Our Stars. I really did enjoy WG, WG, but it wasn’t a game changer for me. It was lovely. But It was on a shelf with a dozen other contemporary YA pieces that I really liked. When TFIOS came out, and lots of my book loving friends said it was can’t miss, I was skeptical, but eventually, ventured to my local Kroger and picked up a copy. About that time, my friend, Smash and I decided we’d try to go to his event in Dallas.

Now, this event was NOT a nerdfighter/TFIOS tour/Vlogbrothers event. This was a fundraiser for the American Library Association (ALA) Freedom to Read campaign. For a small donation, Smash and I were granted access to a “cocktail hour reception, and a presentation by John on censorship” (Nothing else was promised… in fact, on twitter, he stated that he would likely be unable to sign anything due to the time constraints) Seeing as his regular events have up to 1000 people at them, those signings take HOURS. This was a 6:00-8:30 affair, having time for an hour of refreshments, 45 minutes of his speaking, and later, we were told, 45 minutes for a signing (as time would allow).

In the days leading to the event, I cracked open the book.

And I read.

And I cried.

And I laughed.

And I begged every page to never end…

But one by one, as pages do… the turned into each other, and it was over.

As I planned my imminent re-read (back to back re-reads are super rare for me), I slowly began to research who this John Green guy is, and why he has these followers, what are all of these acronyms, how does he have over a million twitter followers, WHAT is HAPPENING?

I discovered that he’s a marketing genius. He has an incredibly successful youtube channel with vlogs he makes with his brother Hank. He encourages people (young and old) to be creative, principled, and active in their communities “increasing awesome, and decreasing suck” under the banner “NERDFIGHTERS”. He is an active tweeter and tumblr, sharing lovely quotes, artwork, and other gems – NOT just promoting his own work. He and his nerdfighters plaster DFTBA all over the internet, reminding folks: “Don’t forget to be awesome.”

Basically, he’s brilliantly smart about handling his persona: public, and less public.

He even agreed to sign the ENTIRE first printing (150,000ish copies) of his novel. (He had a poll over which sharpie color to use, and signed books based on the winning percentages.) When I picked up my copy at Kroger, I managed to grab one that WASN’T signed! When I went out on Saturday, and looked on the shelves of Target, Walmart, Barnes and Noble, and even grocery stores, I found DOZENS of signed copies, in a rainbow of colors of varied rareness. (I settled on one signed in my fave color, turquoise – which apparently is rare-ish… whatever)

At this point, I was getting pretty excited.

I was clearly a fan of the book. Clearly a fan of John. Of his writing, of his creativity, of his social presence, of his ability to market himself AND his works. I was fully SQUEALING about the event of Sunday night.

Smash and I started the evening by indulging in milkshakes at Twisted Root, (which were delish) and spent time talking about how wonderfully honest and beautiful this book is. And then we were off to drive the dozen or so blocks to the Dallas Public Library.

When we got a few blocks away, stopped at a light, I turned around and looked 150 yards away to a back corner of a random lot, and LO, I saw the John Green TFIOS Tour Mobile!!!

You must understand how serendipitious this was, because honestly, it was NO WHERE NEAR the actual library. It was a sign of the aweomeness yet to come.

We took pictures, avoided a few homeless people, and were soon back on the streets, driving the rest of the way to the library.

Upon our arrival, I was overjoyed at the little nerdfighters who had already arrived. Adorned in their hand painted shirts, and lugging copies of well-loved books; they waited for John as if he were a rock star. (By my count he pretty much is a rockstar, but I digress)

A table of books was already set up, and at such a discounted price, I decided to pick up a copy of his other, most recent novel, 2008′s Paper Towns. A little more waiting, and we were among the first of the throngs of fans ready to get signed in and enter the reception.

As Smash and I are so dedicated, we were easily the first two people at the sign in table. I checked in, and entered the room.

A large meeting room had a small open bar (wine and beer!!!) and some hors d’œuvres. In the center was John Green, and 2-3 companions… THAT’S IT.

The crowds were being delayed, and I was the first one in.

I was nervous, and wanted to avoid rushing him, so I grabbed a glass of wine, and slowly made my way to his area. One of the men, from the library team, I think, smiled at me and said, “Just jump right in, it’s about to be crazy in here”. So, I did.

I walked up to his little crew, and he gave me his attention.

“Good evening! I’m Kelsey. (handshake) I want to thank you… so much, actually, for writing such an emotive and honest novel. The Fault in Our Stars was beautiful, and touched my heart in an incredible way. I am so grateful for your having written it. Cheers (WINE GLASS CLINK – He clinked with his beer bottle), thank you for being here.”

I was so glad I didn’t squeal and run around in circles or something.

He was so gracious, and thanked me for reading and for attending the event. It was a very lovely and sweet moment. I was so happy.

Right around that time Smash (who’d been wrongfully detained due to some clerical error) and about 25 others were making there way into the room. Smash had her moment, and totally chatted him up. She got lots of smiles from him. She obviously wanted a photo, but we were told that it was just logistically impossible, and that posed pictures were not an option.

We improvised:

By then, it was clear that the nearly 200 people were all wanting their turns, and he graciously gave each of them a bit of attention. Several of the youngins were asking him to sign books and other things, and he was abliging them… but I began to wonder if he was going to have a proper signing. Previously, he’d tweeted that there would not be time, and we’d been given no guarantees.

I asked one of the event helpers, and was assured that following his speech, he’d be doing a very brief signing.

In a moment of strateg-ery, I convinced Smash to come with me to snag seats near to the door, so that when it was over, we’d be among the first in line.

SUCCESS!

We had a bit more wine (one of those glasses was Smash’s by the way) and we readied for his discussion.

When he took the podium, he began to share about being banned (and nearly banned) for a scene in a book that he honestly penned thinking it’d be labeled “Christian fiction”, and how censoring library shelves is a disservice to society. He said that librarians and teachers are the people who’ve been entrusted with the JOB of deciding what and how to teach. NOT for the exclusive benefit of a parent. NOT for the exclusive benefit of one kid, but for the COLLECTIVE benefit of our society.

Keep in mind that this event was essentially for librarians, and educators (I KNOW, RIGHT!?!?!) so there were 25-50 young people, and 150-175 teachers, librarians, and literature enthusiasts. Seeing and meeting John Green is one thing. But seeing John Green talk about education (obviously an area of passion for me, as a teacher), and talk about the role of a wide spectrum of literature being available to people of all ages as a means of cultivating greater knowledge in our communities as a whole… THAT’s an entirely different level of awesome.

After he spoke, he had time for 5ish questions.

Feeling bold, I raised my hand. Once. Twice. Thrice. BAM. He called on me.

“What role or responsibility do you feel that these (gesturing to the young nerdfighters who were all gathered on the floor at his feet like story time in Sunday school) exuberant young people have in advocating for the books that they want to remain on their school library shelves?”

WORD. That would be coherent exchange with JG #2.

I got a bit of applause from the other educators and librarians in the room, and then he commented that authors have the opportunity and ability to build real relationships with their readers and encourage that kind of involvement. It was awesome.

Just about then he ran out of time, and Smash and I DASHED to the door and into the hall, where we took our places as person #1 and #2 in the signing line. He came out and took a seat.

He didn’t have a sharpie, but as a prepared signing participant, I GAVE him mine! EEEP! Smash got a myriad of books signed, which was awesome, and I had him add personalization to my turquoise signature, and asked if he’d draw an infinity symbol… (this plays on a theme in the novel) I’d hoped to ask him to draw one that was larger than the other, but his hands were causing him so much pain I couldn’t ask for more. (After signing well over 150,000 copies, his dexterity is unfortunately and understandably a bit compromised at the moment.)

One extra “Thank you” and we left him to the masses.

Honestly, he looked exhausted. Dedicated to greeting all those who came to him, but exhausted all the same. I don’t feel bad for him, being able to do what he loves and being adored by his fans, but, as one human observing another, I definitely feel sorry for that tired fella, who misses his wife and baby, and is undoubtedly longing for some time at home.

This event was incredible. Typically, these events have hundreds more people, longer lines, limited access, and a very different vibe. This event was academic, incredibly intimate, and absolutely unique.

I was so thrilled to meet him. So thrilled to THANK him for this book. THRILLED to share the evening with Smash…

And that, my friends, is how you become a John Green fangirl in just 72 short hours, and in 3 easy steps.

I must reiterate that the first step is the most important one…

Read The Fault in Our Stars… and allow yourself to be inspired.

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 15 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: ashley, books, friends, John Green, LWL, reading, smash, TFIOS, the fault in our stars

I’m about 2 days from the month long time frame that the first injection was supposed to last, so maybe it’s really wearing off! That would be so incredible.

It’s been amazing to actually feel a little better, I can’t even tell you.

One thing that has contributed to my feeling of happiness, has been getting my “blue room” re-arranged, and pretty again.

I still have to hang some artwork, and get a new desk chair, but I LOVE it… We got a new queen sized guest bed for in here, and getting fresh linens on it, and re arranging my book shelves has made me super happy.

Wanna see??

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: blue room, home

1. I stumbled upon the most remarkable thing. When I take my vitamins (A multi, a B combo, and a calcium) at night, I wake up and have a better day. I feel more energized, and I feel more balanced. I feel distinctly more capable of handling my day… even when things are tough.

I don’t know if there’s actually any science behind this, or if it is even real (placebo maybe?), but I don’t care. When I remember, I feel better the next day. So, check plus on that.

2. Tonight, when I got home, I was so crushed by fatigue. This drug has done things that I’m still, only now, discovering. My eyes are lined with baggy rings, and I’ve been riddled with feelings of despair (that I already know, and have previously discussed) and that I know are completely FALSE, and induced by these chemicals.

When I look in the mirror, it’s so strange to not see the person I recognize to be myself. Seriously, guys… the bags are so heavy, I feel like they’re pulling the skin down my face.

It makes me sad to see them.

Anyway, so, I came home, and wanted to just relax for a bit, take my mind off of everything. I tweeted some sad sack something about how horrible I’ve been feeling… and one of my friends, Julie – who doesn’t live anywhere near me, and who I’m still just getting to know, replies to ask me if there’s anything to do to make it better… And then she tells me she’s been thinking of me and has a little card to send.

That’s all it took, folks.

The days and days of forcing these baseless tears down came to a snotty end, as I lay myself down, in my bed and just wept.

It was a good weep though. I think maybe it’s not so bad to cry for no reason, as long as you know that it’s not real.

Even now, a few hours later, I still feel completely fragile.

Helpless even. In that I can’t force myself to stop feeling all of these complicated and messy feelings.

I like being in control… and I can’t control how quickly this drug will leave my system.

I’m off to get some rest, and see if I can’t undo some of these bags.

Have a great Friday!

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: life, lupron

Last year I made some “goals” I guess you’d say. I never blogged about my intention for the year, because I guess I felt it was private, but I think my decision was a great one. So good, in fact, that it’s my “resolution” this year too.

(I don’t like thinking of it as a resolution… cause I think resolutions are so rarely kept, but “intention” is a concept I can definitely get behind.)

Taking action.

That was my heart last year.

Of course, there is the literal concept of taking action physically, hopefully spurring more laps, more squats, more crunches and the like. But I wanted to turn “Action” into my life’s motto.

I, dear friends, am a lazy, lazy, lazy girl.

Daron can testify, I am seriously a lump. I can lay around for DAYS. I can spend the whole of spring break laying on the couch for 10-12 hours a day, surfing, watching tv, or reading. The need to be physically active isn’t something that I naturally crave. I almost NEVER get cabin fever. Honestly, I just don’t.

So last year, I decided that I’d look for opportunities to fight off passivity, and take action.

This meant:

-Moving my body more

-Going to auditions, even when I was horribly scared

-Keeping on top of my share of the housework

-Getting up and offering to take care of any business that needs taking care of

-Not putting off tasks that can be completed now

-Saying “Yes” to opportunities to do new things

That mentality really served me last year. Of course, it wasn’t as present in the forefront of my mind by November… and when I was in pain following surgery, I certainly wasn’t taking much action… But on the whole, it was an excellent theme.

So, this year, I want to continue it. I want to continue being someone who ACTS.

not hesitates.

not vascilates.

not fluctuates.

not procrastinates.

but acts.

I hope that my life isn’t something I observe, but is, instead, something I create.

I want to look back at my life experiences with awe and excitement, knowing that I did my part, and put myself in the best position possible to get the most out of life. I don’t think everything is in my control, but I want to know that I’ve been a participant in my own existence.

I hope you all have incredible kick off for 2012.

I’d love to know any tips, advice, or ideas you have that will help me reach my goal of taking more ACTION!

Oh! And did anyone figure out the title references?

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: life, newyears

What? Jealous?

Heheee.

To be honest, I haven’t thought about working out in a LONG time.  (Of course, being in a show is a hell of a workout, but that’s far from dedicated workouts… that’s more like an “oh-my-gosh-I’m-late-to-rehearsal-and-forgot-to-eat-and-now-I’m-gonna-dance-for-three-hours” slim down)

I weigh the same… haven’t gained any weight. My clothes still fit well… I’m just jiggly. Here’s what I’m looking like lately:

That's me a few days ago. What is that I'm holding? It's my favorite health drink. It's a salted caramel mocha... it's basically all protein. And whole grain. And kale. Lots of kale. Oh, damn, I mean chocolate, caramel, and milk. I always confuse the two recipes. My bad.

But I’m happy… So, that should count for something.

Anyway, I wanted to write to break the radio silence, but that’s really all for now.

Smootchies.

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2011. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags:

 

(I may try to figure out some kind of bi-weekly blogging schedule, so I don’t get burned out so quickly, but let’s just wait and see, shall we?)

 

In the mean time, it’s time to celebrate our FREAKING AWESOME lives!

 

Before I do my list, volume 8, I want to give a quick shout out to some of the girls who’ve been LWL-ing, while I was on bloggy hiatus:

 

Mandy! She’s pretty much the LWL cheerleader of the universe… here are some of her recent list additions.

Jordan! Jordan is so awesome, I LOVE her. She’s got a few new installments too.

Rachel! So sweet, so lovely! Please check out her recent additions!!

Lindsay! Probably my biggest current blog crush… She’s been adventuring this summer!!

 

Thank you, ladies, for your participation… ESPECIALLY while I was otherwise occupied.

 

If you’ve been writing your own LWL lists, well, let me know! Geesh!

If you write it out all pretty, I’ll even feature it here. Just email me. kelsey @ kelseytoney dot com.

 

 

Without further adieu, my own LWL list, Volume 8!

 

I’ve won a CAR!

 

When I was in my… errrrr, second year of teaching, a very sweet student wrote an essay to the local TV station that was organizing a giveaway of 12 cars to area teachers. It was pirate dress up day – AKA, best day of the year, and I was fully decked out.

At some point, my principal called and said he needed to speak to me, brought me down stairs, and SURPRISE, here’s a CAR!!

 

It was distinctly awesome.

 

It was a 2007 PT cruiser. Not too many people can say they’ve won a car. Not too shabby.

 

 

I’ve been SNUBA-ing

 

Daron and I went to Mexico a few years back, and we got to SNUBA! Snuba is Snorkeling+Scuba, which basically means that instead of strapping the airtank to your back, they set it on a raft, and run a really long tube down to you under the water. It actually seems a little ghetto when I say it like that, but it was honestly really cool. I got to experience the best parts of scuba without getting certified. It was really, exceptionally cool, and I highly recommend it.

 

 

I’ve won a medal at a 5k

 

Okay, that might be a bit misleading… I didn’t win the medal because I was fast, I won a medal cause it was halloween, and I had the most awesome costume! (Robin Hood)… Actually, to be fair, I didn’t win first, I won second place because a BABY was dressed as a dragon. I mean, who could compete with a dragon baby?

 

Posted via email from kelsnotchels’s posterous

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2011. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags:

via

 

Hmmm.

What is it about us that makes us erroneously believe that pointing out the wonderful in others leeches the wonderful from ourselves?

Have you ever seen a friend or acquaintance come into the office, looking particularly fresh faced and having a fabulous hair day on a morning that held spilled espresso, a broken hairdryer, and missing dry cleaning for you?

Hot Stuff, meet Hot Mess.

Did you have the nerve to tell her how lovely she looked? (Let me point out that your inclusion or exclusion of a compliment isn’t going to do a thing for that back-of-the-closet ensemble, so why hold it back?)

I mean, let’s keep it real, dear readers… here is the heart of the matter:

We are not BOWLS of love. We do not ladle up our hopes and dreams, and dish them out to our friends, slowly dwindling our supply and leaving shallows in the wake.

We are FLAMES of love! We have the opportunity to give brightness to those around us who’ve been rained on. Those around us who’ve succumbed to the wind. Those around us who’ve run out of fuel. Those around us who’ve let someone snuff them to darkness. Those around us who’ve been hasty and frivolous with their glow, letting it be whispered away.

And when your flame joins my flame, and we continue to put those sparks of light together…

We have the opportunity to create a roaring, blazing inferno of support for each other.

I want people around me to KNOW that they can count on me to lift them up.

I want to be the type of person who freely shares her flame.

I hope to be instrumental in helping those around me shine.

I want to glow.

 

 

via

Posted via email from kelsnotchels’s posterous

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2011. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: life, love

The start of the school year always feels like the true “New Year” for me.

Fallen Leaves in Central Park -October 2010

There’s something so perfect about the start of fall. The pure bliss that we feel (here in Texas) when the weather finally starts to cool down, and the excitement that the kids carry with them through the hallways at work make me feel happy.

I start to dream about adding pumpkins to my decor, and even let my mind wander to the winter holidays that absolutely fill my heart with joy.

Autumn is the ultimate beginning, because Summer is the ultimate crecendo. This summer was absolutely amazing. I spent the whole time working on a project I loved with my whole heart, making friends I’ll have FOREVER. (RENT is definitely going to have its own blog post in the next few days.)

Summer is so vibrant and exciting – when you have it off… I know it makes non-teachers want to punch me, but it really is awesome. Summer is HEAT and tanktops, ice cubes, and fireworks… It is the epic drum fill and wailing guitar solo at the end of a rock song.

Autumn is the silence that follows, the quiet space when the world around us begins to get weary and prepares for rest. Restoration.

I’m still definitely in the heat of summer, where I live, and I know I have some weeks to go until it’s actually tolerable outside, but the start of school… it’s the first step.

I almost deleted my blog this summer… for good… but that’s just part of the haste and chaos of summer, isn’t it?

Now that things are normalizing and I’m entering the part of the year that I feel like myself again, I’m looking forward to seeing if this little webspace still has some lessons left to teach me.

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2011. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: autumn, fall, life, school, summer

A week ago, my mother, and father (divorced since I was 7 years old) both – and independently—confirmed that I have two of the very best parents on the entire planet.

I’ve not always been so wise. So wise as to recognize them for the amazing parents that they are. In different ways, certainly… but they both definitely are.

I’ve experienced periods, (sometimes long periods) of time feeling certain that my parents a) didn’t understand me b) didn’t deserve my compassion c) hadn’t been perfect and/or d) all of the above.

In one calendar week, my parents (and both of my tremendously beautiful and loving step-parents – I prefer the term ‘second parents’) proved to me that they not only love me (and my husband) dearly, but that they truly would pull a million strings, cross a dozen oceans, and climb an infinite peak in order to be there for me.

To Mom and Dad, this post is for you.

Mom-

Last weekend, you helped me realize what was, surprisingly, a dream come true.

I’ve always craved a place of my own. A place that is lush, green, populated by critters, and gorgeous… like, magazine gorgeous. A place that is quiet, even in a suburb. A place that is sprinkled with the discarded leaves of beloved ferns and blue daze flowers. A place that hummingbirds flock to. A place that is tended by rabbits and maybe even a squirrel or two.

A place that feels like a glossy photograph in a glamorous article.

A place that is all mine.

Last week, our patio cover construction was completed, and you and John helped it to become so. You helped the plants find pots. You helped the hummingbirds find a feeder. You helped the windchime find its hook.

I’ve spend time, EVERY morning since you came, out with the watering hose, making sure that the flowers have a drink. That the ferns have a gulp, and watching the bunnehs (inevitably) eat our liriope.

We got SWEATY.

We got DIRTY.

We got TIRED.

And in the end, I became a “Veranda Girl” of my very own. Created in the image of my lovely mother, who has always cherished her outdoor places.

Thank you mom, for creating such a beautiful patio with me.

—————————————————————————————-

To Dad–

I love you. I truly do. There are a very small number of moments of my life that I can say I “regret” and not realizing what a wonderful father you are, YEARS AND YEARS ago is among them. Adolescence made me stupid, I admit. I certainly used that developmental time of my life to give me a reason to have a seat in the “mad at my dad for no particular reason club”.

Time has shown me how silly that was.

You’ve shown me how difficult it can be to follow your dreams. Follow your heart. Follow your legacy. But how completely worth it the endeavor really is.

You’ve proven that it’s NEVER too late to change the path you’ve been on… no matter who expects you to continue upon it.

You’ve given me a beautiful second-mom in LaDonna. Someone I love and respect. You’ve shown me how to handle sadness with grace and strength… (even if it’s perceived by others as tearfulness)… and even though you couldn’t make it to every recital… every concert… every performance…

You drove over 1700 miles to see a dress rehearsal, and truly the only scheduled performance of my show that you could possibly attend.

You spoke with my husband, who graciously communicated to the directors, and you drove.

You drove, and drove, and drove.

You drove through fatigue, and timezones, and when my director called me to the lobby, on the eve of our very first dress rehearsal of tech/hell week,

You, my daddy, stood there.

You gave me roses, even before opening night.

You were there to be my audience. To laugh, to cry, and to even MOO with me during a performance of what is truly my favorite show, and most beloved role ever.

The gesture of your roadtrip melted me.

I’ve never been so grateful to you. Never been more proud to have you by my side. Never been more thankful that my pubescent heart moved on from all of the drama of high school angst.

…

This week, I got to look out into a beautiful garden.

I looked out upon an expansive and beautiful garden, created by the sweat and tears of the husband who loves me.

I looked out upon a patio, outfitted beautifully by my mother, that reminds me to always take those still and precious moments for my own spirit.

I looked out onto the blooms of the roses presented to me by my father, for the show that he watched me perform in… singing and dancing my way through a story that has captivated my heart.

It was truly one of the greatest views I’ve ever experienced.

Thanks mom and dad.

I love you.

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2011. | Permalink | 10 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: family, home, life, summer